His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
