There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
