It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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