Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
