We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
