I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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