where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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