i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
