my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
