Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
