It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
