Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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