I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
