how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
