we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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