organizing the empties. That sober.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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