I cannot find my penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
