Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
