Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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