Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
