Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
