Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
