wakey wakey hands off snakey
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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