youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
