Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
