I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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