if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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