This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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