I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
