I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
