Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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