You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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