Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
