How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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