I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
