Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think people are normalizing furries
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
