I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
