he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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