She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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