just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...