I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.