Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten