im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.