What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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