We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
