i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.