i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
