let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
