Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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