the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
