have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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