there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
