They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
