it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
