i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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