Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
