Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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