Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
