operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
