You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
