You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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