Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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