Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
