so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize