so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
