are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
