dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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