All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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