Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
