I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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