chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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