I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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